A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender: 'Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'
Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really...'
Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them s**t in my eye.'
Bartender: 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird s**t?'
Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'